Wednesday, November 2, 2011

Home and the Hook

Hey All,

I cranked out a few more words, moved the game on a bit.  This section is from Chapter 2, and it finds Brandon back at home...


Two armed guards marched me down the hall to our shower complex.  We passed the bunkers that looked like smashed furniture, the murder holes only visible if one knew where to look, arranged by design to funnel an intruder to the center, making the only option for that bastard death by ballistic metal.  I could tell by the slight shuffling of the massive guard to my left that it was my cousin Robert- he had injured his leg in a motocross race when he was younger, and his gait made him a liability in the field.  The slender guard to my right strode confidently, footfalls ringing throughout the house.  That would be my sister Sheilah's friend, Grace.  No matter how many times I tried to tell her that she wouldn't be ready to go on external missions until she no longer walked like she was angry at the ground, she stubbornly kept to her masculine stride. 
            Without consciously meaning to, I thought about how I would escape if I found cause.  Dad was always telling us to analyze the situation we were in, understand what we needed to do to save ourselves.  Robert was set up on my left, and that was stupid, his bad leg was nearest to me.  I'd fake a stumble, falling off balance and forward, that'd do the trick.  When Robbie stepped forward to steady me, I'd strike the side of knee, felling him as surely as a lumberjack felled a tree with his last axe strike.  That was part one.
            For all her lack of tactical silence, Grace was a fucking technician with a rifle, and had incredibly fast and lethal reflexes.  I'd dive behind Rob, let him absorb the rounds in that fleshy, Kevlar vested body of his, and take Grace out with his assault rifle.  I estimated I would have 10 seconds maximum from the time Grace's gun went off to the moment guards would displace from their murder holes, move to the scene of the crime, and cut me down.  That was enough time to clear the house, I knew its hallways and portals intimately, but what to do when I made it outside?  The wall surrounding our house was ten feet tall and mortared brick, with a generator providing a high-amp charge on the wire ringing the top.  There was a five second lag from the time someone threw the switch to the point when some dumbass like yours truly trying to get in or make good his escape became a crispy critter.  I could set up a defensive position, but the guards were drilled incessantly in tactically responding to a crisis situation, and I knew they would quickly seize the advantage.  And then there was the whole moral problem of killing my family, which anyway I sliced it, was a deplorable idea.  We had plenty of enemies trying to kill us: Beloved, Leaders, and Bandits.  Jesus, the Bandits.  I had been so focused on escaping from the Beloved I had forgotten about those assholes.  As bad as the Beloved and the insidiously ruthless Leaders were, the Bandits were perhaps even worse.
            What a fucked up world we lived in.

Tuesday, November 1, 2011

Out of F*@king Bullets

Hello All!

National Novel Writing Month (NaNoWriMo) is in full effect and throughout the month I'll be dropping bits of my writing effort in here.  Hope you like it!  Here's an exerpt from Chapter 1- Out of Fucking Bullets:


I'm out of fucking bullets.  I heard the telltale 'click' of my rifle biting down on nothing but air, and felt that old fear that I had felt so many times before.  But for a split second, I stood on my pathetic, yet well-sighted, patch of land with a dumb "How did I get Here??" expression and that useless and very un-motivating, profane statement of fact clattered around my mind.  I'm out of fucking bullets.  I'm out of fuck- movement crossing my field of vision from left to right and back again snapped me out of my despair, or maybe it just put me into a new level of hell.  There were at least three of them left, and they were charging me as if I was the last tasty morsel on the planet.  I shuddered, even as I holstered my rifle, drew my baton with my right hand and my katana with my left hand, settling the curved blade with the diabolical underhand grip I knew and loved.  Jesus, they were fast, the Beloved.  I had been engaging them from over two hundred yards out, and I could see the littered corpses starched on the ground as evidence of my handy work.  Three of us from different families, always different families, had gone on this fact finding mission and we were arrayed in a triangle formation, backs to each other with room to operate.  Fuck, Dad, you said resistance in this sector of downtown was light...
            "Guys, I'm out of ammo!  Three Beloved left, switching to hand weapons!" I informed my companions, Rachel and Steve.
            "Damn, Brandon!  I've been out for a minute already.  Stop being so stingy with your shots!" Steve angrily retorted, the stress of the situation bleeding through his normally calm countenance.  "I've got two left, one male, one female... they've been laying low as long as the bullets have been flying.  Either they've fed recently, or-"
            "They've got a Leader with them," Rachel finished, grimly.  "Fuck," then, with greater emphasis as her pistol clicked empty, "Fuck!  I'm out!  Got three left.  Here they come.  Switching to close quarters," Rachel was focused in, not wasting her breath, keeping the observations coming without slowing down to change weapons, eyes never wavering from the enemy.  "They're not charging directly at me, either.  They're using cover.  All right, I'm calling it, there's a Leader coordinating their movements, I've never seen a Beloved move like this without one of those bastards calling the shots.  Be smart, guys.  Be.  Fucking.  Smart," Rachel said through clenched teeth.
            "Mine are a hundred (yards) out," I calculated.  "Do your part you two and we all go home.  Don't get cut, none of your blood drops here or-"
            "No shit, Brandon," Steve said and I could almost see his eye roll even though it was eleven at night.
            "Right, Chief," Rachel added, then with as cavalier attitude as she could muster "It's too bad, anyway, Mom promised we'd dip into the hot cocoa stores.  Madeline better not take my share if I don't make it back."

Monday, October 3, 2011

The Calm Before: NaNoWriMo Approaches

I've officially jumped the shark.

Throughout the years, of which I've had many though not as many as most, writing a novel has been an ever-present thought orbiting with a slight, drunken list about the convoluted pathways in my mind.  Then I heard about NaNoWriMo- National Novel Writing Month and thought, "Gee, that kind of takes away the excuses, now doesn't it?"  Here's the deal: you get 30 days to crank out 50,000 words, straight-up rough draft style.  You make the word count, you "win."  The beauty of this format is you write whatever comes to mind, and you've got a hard deadline.  No waffling, no proofreading, no anguished "Is this any good?  I suck, I suck, I suck!!" inner monologues.

It can be utter shit.  Frankly, I'm a little bit giddy with the prospect.

So what does that mean for you guys?  It means that November is probably going to be my highest post count ever, as I'll be sharing excerpts of my craptacular attempt at 50K words throughout the month.  Understand that I do this for your enjoyment, and not in an attempt to see if I'll lose any followers.  Though I might.  And that would be unfortunate, but completely understandable.

Onward to November!  For good or ill, it will be here before we know it.

~Scotty Mac

"Are you thinking what I'm thinking, Pinky?" The Brain, Pinky and the Brain

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

For Every Ride There is a Reason: Why the Wrong Bike Simply is not an Option

Look, I'm no Steve Peat.  Though I did meet him Sunday last, and he's at least as funny as me.  Probably.  He's definitely less uptight than I am, and he's way taller, so he has that going for him.  I've got better teeth, but he's British so it was never a fair fight to begin with.  He also happens to be a World Champion downhill mountain bike racer, and that's where peer-to-peer comparison pretty much ends.  For all you non gear-heads out there- and I won't hold it against you, nobody's perfect- getting to talk with Steve Peat, and ride the same trails as him, would be like a guy who plays touch football with his beer buddies on Sunday mornings exchanging pleasantries with Peyton Manning, right before they both went out on the same football field and played catch.  In other words, and in a nod to Steve's decidedly English penchant for understatement, it's a bit of an event.

The event's location was Winter Park, Colorado and the occasion for my trip was simple; I had a day off during what normal 9-to-5ers call a weekend, and my friends and I decided to head to the hill for some lift-access mountain bike riding.  I had been up only one time that summer about a month before this trip, and I had had a good time.  Ski resort riding (as an aside, Mountain Bike Action used to call it velo-schussing, no idea why THAT didn't stick) forces the average bike hobbyist to reset their definition of speed, ground-to-air proportionality, and comfort envelope.  Things happen faster on a ski hill, and from Run One, there's no time to come to grips with it.  You either give in to it and flow with the trail, or you get wide-eyed, stiff-armed, and brake-happy.  On Winter Park Trip Number One, care to guess which one I was?  We hadn't even gotten on the actual trail yet, just a little piece of access-singletrack and already I was tense.  I tightened up on the first rock step-down ledge I came upon and consequently damn-near started my day off with a pile-driver into a rock garden.  A last-second, desperate repositioning of my body kept the skin covering my body intact, and I bounced down to where everyone else was waiting.  Isaac glanced in my direction, and even though he was wearing tinted goggles, face completely obscured by his moto-inspired helmet, I could feel the bemused/worried eyebrow raise.  I shook my head, but wasn't sure if the shake meant "Don't worry about me, I'll be fine," or "Oh crap-oh crap-oh crap!"  Not much of a complainer, at least not while I'm in the moment, I took a breath, sucked down some water, and soldiered on.

The day got better.  Oh yes it did.  I relaxed my grip on the handlebars, remembered that riding a bike was something I had actually done before, on dirt even, and settled in.  I was still loath to allow my tires to leave the ground, only doing so when the alternative was becoming a semi-permanent stain on the surrounding flora.  I stayed away from the wooden bridges, drops, and jumps for the most part, and took the huge, g-force inducing berms with my brakes feathered, checking my speed at all points.  But I had fun watching the other guys hit jumps and rail turns, and I enjoyed clearing the obstacles I decided to tackle.  A mid-afternoon thunderstorm added to the epic nature of the day while we were on the chairlift, and after waiting out the storm in the lodge once we were free of the primarily metal, and slow-moving contraption (Scared?  ME???), the moisture-infused dirt gave increased pleasure to our pursuits.  Wet dirt- not mud- boosts the grip of that surface, allowing for bigger lean angles, stronger braking, and a more predictable medium for taking off and landing.  What that meant for me, and to a greater extent my comrades, was that I was more confident, and on the last run of the day, pushed myself a little outside my comfort zone and was thrilled with the resultant adrenaline hit that caused my hands to shake and raised my spirits considerably.  Day on the hill done, we retired to the local pizza joint for some real scarfage and I found myself thinking that perhaps I liked downhill riding more than I had let on.

Before I get to Winter Park Trip Number Two, I have another story to relate.  Yes, it's relevant.  No, it's not boring.  Well, if you'd stop asking questions, I'd get to it already.  Okay, here I go.  I was putting laps in at the Air Force Academy's Falcon Trail, trying to approach something I remember as bike fitness on a trail that is decidedly cross-country.  Ups and downs, some serious versions of both, and a thirteen mile loop mean plenty of opportunity to discover likes and dislikes whilst on two wheels.  I had been riding The Ninja (which reminds me, I owe you guys an update on that bike, but it'll have to wait) and loving the way the 29er wheels plowed straight through chunder, seemingly at whim and gaining speed throughout each section.  All was well until the time I forgot to check the pivot bolts, which is all bollocks really- that's for you, Steve- as I had never checked the specific bolt that popped out as I was JRA (Just Riding Along, the excuse used since time immemorial by riders who break stuff and swear they weren't doing anything but...), and then all of a sudden the grinding noise emanating from the back of The Ninja meant I was no longer JRA.  Luckily, I had a backup bike, and a pretty fair one at that.  It was a conventional-wheeled Rocky Mountain ETS-X Team, a bike of similar capability to The Ninja, but with a 26" wheel size.  On my next two days at Falcon, I rode that bike as I waited for the right part to come in for the 29er.  In spite of their similarities, immediate contrasts were evident.  The rock gardens I was sailing through on The Ninja were grabbing and clutching my 26ers tires.  I wasn't cornering as fast, didn't feel as stable on the descents, had troubles on sections of the trail I normally don't reckon as difficult.  This wasn't imagined, my friends, it was real.  And even if I had thought it was all in my head, the stopwatch told the tail.  On back-to-back rides, under similar weather and trail conditions, my best time around the lap on my 26er was three minutes slower than my last recorded time on my 29er.  And before some wag suggests that my last recorded time on the 29er was months ago when I was training for races, let me shoot him (it's most likely a him) down by saying that it was in fact earlier that week.  Three minutes.  That's almost half a mile at my pace.  That's significant, and impossible to explain away as just something in my head.

So, to Winter Park Trip Number Two, also to be known as The Day I Met Steve Peat and Got the Idea for This Blog Post.  I decided not to bring the bike I used on the first trip, renting a Specialized SX Trail II from the resort bike rental shop instead.  A Specialized SX Whatever He Said is a bike that is made specifically for the purpose of having fun while going downhill.  It is heavy.  It is not meant for pedaling uphill.  Picture a dirt bike without an engine and you'll have the general idea.  This was a first for me, because in all my years of riding, and even riding at ski resorts, I had never ridden a purpose-built "gravity" bike.  I was nervous of the added heft, wondering if it would be like trying to stop an 80mph freight train the first time I came to a corner.  The guys had assured me I'd be fine, but it was still the fear of the unknown.  And then I threw a leg over it, rolled down the stairs and pedaled slowly over to the line for the ski lift.  A grin spread over my face as I decided I was going to be just fine.  Pat, Jeremy, and Isaac were with me, waiting in line, and each asked me what I thought.  I said, "I think this is gonna work."  And how.

The first run, I was already faster than I was by my last run on the first trip.  By the second, I was getting air off the jumps at the top of the mountain.  By the third, I had cleared my first tabletop jump ever- a jump that has a takeoff, a flat middle- the "tabletop" and a sloped landing on the other side.  You go up the takeoff, over the tabletop, and down the landing, but you can't see the landing until you clear the table.  It's a leap of faith.  For you gamers out there, when I nailed my first table I felt like Al Tair.  The fourth run had me nailing every single tabletop in sequence, a succession of five ever-larger jumps one after the other, and going big on the jumps at the beginning of the track.  By the fifth run I was tweaking my air to get a little sideways, railing berms with the brakes off, and committing to and successfully conquering the wooden wall-ride that links a set of tabletops with another, bigger set.  I was so comfortable on the bike that even when my takeoff didn't go as planned, I stayed calm and trusted the suspension of the bike and my body positioning to bail me out.  This was never more evident when I messed up the takeoff on a tabletop and instead of panicking, nose-wheelied my front end across the top of the jump, the rear of the bike not touching until I rolled down the landing.  Completely by accident, but man it felt cool.  If I wasn't worried about splattering myself, I'd try to do it on purpose.  It all came together on the sixth and final run that day, as I hit every jump as big as I could go, tried to catch air off every wooden feature, rode the wall, and came to a screeching halt at the end with a smile so wide that it didn't fade until we were home again, four hours later.

I'm going to skip the rhetorical question, because I let the cat out of the bag with the title, the only difference is by now you know exactly where I was going with it.  The bike was the difference.  I wasn't all of a sudden blessed with a big dose of courage (I only have a brain), the bike gave me a level of confidence with its purpose-oriented design to try new things and not just go outside my comfort zone but completely re-write it.  Nothing feels like hitting a jump and landing it where you're supposed to land it, and on purpose to boot.  Nothing feels like screaming around a deeply bermed turn, feeling the suspension compress into the dirt, keeping your eyes constantly seeking the exit, going faster and faster, and then completing the slingshot maneuver down the straightaway, longing for the next corner.  The bike got me there, and the fun I was having as a result took me the rest of the way.

That shouldn't come as a big shock really, but I think it did for me because suddenly, between Falcon and Winter, everything about riding a bike and being a rider made sense.  You ride the bike that gives you the necessary mental and physical (and perhaps even spiritual, though some would argue spiritual doesn't need to be in parentheses) ability to enjoy yourself.  Nothing more, nothing less.  And it's different for everyone but generally it means something with enough margin of error to get you through the ride, bumps and all, with a big, dopey grin plastered in and around your dirty, sweaty mug.

There's a school of thought I've come across that says "Well, -clearing throat self-importantly-, you don't need a bike with more X, Y, and Z, you just need to ride what you have and get better on it before you get something else.  I know, because that's how I did it and it worked for me, and it'll work for you, too.  I'm also incontinent and disdain the use of hygiene products."  And it's in the face of such heavy-handed blanket statements that Steve Peat makes his triumphant return to this tale.  Steve's the man, he's proven it time and again with multiple world-class victories and championships.  "YouTube" the guy.  He's bloody fast on a bike, doesn't make mistakes, and has the drive to seek improvement no matter how good he gets.  That's awesome.  He could ride faster than me, all 6'and A Lot of him, on a kid's bike.  But what does he ride at Winter Park?  A 34lb, 8" travel front and rear, full carbon fiber, factory-prepped and supported downhill bike.  No, he wasn't racing, just riding with friends and people in the industry.  He could have any bike up there he wanted from his bike sponsor, Santa Cruz, but he chose the maximum-attack, downhill-specific machine.  Though the gulf between him and me as riders is Mexican in width, we choose the bikes we do for the exact same reason.

We ride the bikes that give us the best opportunity to have the most fun wherever we're at.

~Scotty Mac

"Ours not to reason why, ours but to whine and cry." Ben Krisler, Once an Eagle

Saturday, September 3, 2011

Writing on Empty

I haven't been very good at this, of late.  "This," being sharing with you hilarious anecdotes, charming witticisms, and/or dubious pieces of advice.  Wish there was a good reason, but the only one I can come up with, the only reason I haven't written anything here, is because I haven't felt like it.

Yeah.

Haven't felt like it?  How weak is that?  Well, it's pretty weak, no question, but there it is.  Since I wrote in February, I've done two full-time stints with the Air Force Reserve, taken two trips, raced three mountain bike races, gotten a civilian job, finally, FINALLY started back up in school, and once again gone through the silly season known to me and my cycling brothers and sisters as "new model year bike buying time."  That's the whole tank of gas, folks, that's all I've got.  But here I am anyway.

This is me, writing on empty.

I got home from my job this morning, and realized that not writing is worse than writing badly.  At least I'm getting something Out There, staving off full literary atrophy.  That's something.  It's a start.  And then I realized that I gave myself a topic or two in the last main paragraph, which gives me something I can focus in on, and gives this spiel the glimmer of a purpose.  So let's take a look at some of the adventures that ran my tank dry.

VooDoo Fire Marathon Mtb Race, Pueblo Reservoir, CO- 35mi 1/2 Marathon Option- April, 2011

The name was perhaps truer for me than the race directors had planned it to be.  The night before the race, I had had a dream that one of my buddies, Lane, had a bike malfunction that would end his day prematurely.  So imagine my surprise and horror as, 14 miles into the race, I come around a corner with a pack of racers to find Lane, off to the side of the trail, bike upside down, resting on its seat and handlebars, in that familiar position us riders know all too well; something went wrong.  I couldn't believe it, and I wouldn't hold it against any of you who read this if you thought I was grandstanding for this blog entry, but my dream was laid bare, as real as any dream can be, and that's about as unsettling as it gets.  It turned out Lane had experienced numerous flat tires in a short distance, and was dejected that his high-in-the-standings finish had vanished in a cloud of dust and the hiss of an expiring tire.  I did the only thing I could think to do in a situation like that; I quickly popped out of the group, pulled up next to Lane and gave him a CO2 canister so he could fill up his last tube and try to get back in the race.  He thanked me for it and waved me on.

Besides the fact that I had VooDoo'd my friend, I had a fantastic time of it.  I made sure to keep my expectations low going into the race, and in turn finished so far ahead of my time goal that I felt as if I'd won the lottery on my birthday.  Okay, that's ridiculous, it wasn't nearly as cool as that would be, but the high I got from racing for three hours on an awesome course kept a smile plastered to my face for the rest of the day.  It's my favorite race that I've ever done.  Tough to beat that, even with an unwitting act of witchcraft thrown in for good measure.

Landing a Civilian Job- June, 2011

So it's June and my family and I are in my hometown of Boise, ID for a visit, and I'm a little on-edge.  It's been eight months since I left active duty, and as much as I've enjoyed the time off, I want to be back at work.  And no, it's not because the kids drive me batty (which they don't) or that it irks me to play Mr. Mom (which it does), but because I can feel the ideal I've worked hard to achieve slowly slip away.  I take pride in being a professional, and without a full-time job in a similar vein as I had as an officer in the Air Force, I'm in a purgatory I can't find a way out of.  Since Rachel and I put our college town in the rear-view mirror, I've known only the feeling of keeping bread on the table, the bill collectors at bay, and us in the style we've grown accustomed to.  I relish this challenge, it's my true job: Provider.  You take that away, and... well...

I put that troubling thought aside as I reached for my ringing phone.  I glance at the number and see it's local.  I excuse myself from my friends' lunch table and answer.

"Hello?"
"Hey Scotty, it's Tom."
"How's it going?"
"Well, it's looking pretty good from our end, that's for sure.  We got the contract.  You ready to come work for us?"
The thought that raced across my mind was both happy and profane.  I amended it slightly for my verbal response.
"Absolutely!  When do I start?"
See ya later, Purgatory.  I'd say it's been fun, but I don't like you and you don't like me, so what's the point?

Writing on empty is tough.  You've no idea if what you just put down on paper (or on screen) is any good, because your emotions are tapped, your outlook is distended, things are slightly off.  But maybe you get lucky, and you find a bit of juice still sloshing around in the tank, or you siphon some off one of your other pursuits.  That fuel is just enough to provide a spark, and that spark ignites your motor, and you're able to limp back to what you love.

You're still on fumes, sure.

But you're home again.

~Scotty Mac

"Walkin' down king's highway/ Black cat crossin' my path/ I know that's her tryin' to make me stay/ But I ain't lookin' back/ I ain't lookin' back." Kenny Wayne Shepherd, "King's Highway"

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Project Ninja- My Rocky Mountain Altitude 29 SE Custom Build, Part 1

I feel compelled to offer you, the reader, a disclaimer.  This isn't going to be a short post.  In fact, this isn't going to get done in one post at all.  There's simply too much to share.



It can't be a short post because it's about bikes, more specifically, it's about a bike, more specifically than that, it's about my bike.  One of them.  The newest one, codename "The Ninja."  It's a 2011 Rocky Mountain Altitude 29 SE frame that I built up with custom components and it's totally wicked.  I want to take a shot at writing about it because I want to let all of you know why I went the route I did with my latest choice, why the frame, why the components, what the process was like, the whole bit.  And then I want to talk about the ride.  Because building a bike is awesome, no question about it, but riding it... well, that's the whole point, right?  A new bike, when done correctly, is a beautiful thing, but for all that beauty it's also flawed in its perfection.  It simply won't look right until there's a layer of dust on the paint and a few scratches from tumbles and close calls.

Then, and only then, is it mine.

The Idea

For me, 2010 was a year of "coming back."  I came back to Colorado Springs, came back to my core group of friends, came back to riding bikes.  Riding again, with purpose, was a fine thing.  I even tried a few multi-hour races on for size, the 12 Hours of Mesa Verde and the 24 Hours in the Sage at Gunnison, CO.  I competed with my friends on 4 person teams, and though we weren't out there to win anything, both races were excellent tests of fitness and will.  It's difficult to go out for a lap at 5 in the morning after you've been racing and cheering your teammates on for 17 hours.  But that's the whole point, you go out because you're on a team.  No way you can let them down.  So what does all this have to do with Project Ninja?  Glad you asked.

What I came to realize during these races was that I wanted (I can never say "need" even I won't blur that distinction in this case) a bike that would crunch the long miles for me, ride after ride and race after race.  It had to have enough travel to smooth out the continuous, rocky hits that are an inescapable feature of Colorado endurance racing, light enough that I didn't feel like I was dragging a grand piano around all day, and versatile enough to handle non-racing days on a variety of different trails throughout the state, which would be where the bike would get its lion's share of the work anyway.  Let's face it, no one is kicking down my door for me to teach them how to be an elite level bike racer.  No delusions of grandeur here, heck, I'd settle for delusions of adequacy.  Racing is simply nothing but fun for me.  Riding is fun.  The bike had to maximize the amount of fun I could have on the trail, with a number plate fixed to the handlebars or without.

Demo Days

This project was never going to be done on the cheap.  Knowing that, I wanted as much data on each of my possible options as I could gather before laying down my hard-earned cash.  I was fortunate enough to be out at one of my then-local riding haunts in Cheyenne, WY in June when Specialized came through with their 2010 models for the riding public to try out, or "demo."  I spent the day riding some of the Big Red S's best cross country offerings, but the one that stood out to me was the 29" wheeled version of their full suspension XC racer, the Epic.  I think the thing that most shocked me was how much faster I was on it than my current bike, a 2007 Rocky Mountain ETS-X Team, "Red."  Red was no slouch at the XC end of trail riding, and I had used it in every mountain bike race I had ridden in.  But out on a loop that I had dialled in, I was constantly over-shooting braking points as I found myself carrying more speed with the bigger-wheeled Epic 29.  Of all the laps I did that day on all the different Specialized bikes, I set my fastest lap on my last lap, with that Epic.  It wasn't my first time on a "29er," but they weren't old hat to me either.  It was faster in the technical sections than the 26" wheeled Epic, cornered better, and climbed better in everything but perfectly smooth trail conditions.  And for anyone who has ridden CO singletrack, "perfectly smooth" doesn't happen often.  I had found my bike.  The Epic 29 was going to be my next XC weapon.

Except it wasn't.

I know, I know, you're reading this right now asking yourself why I didn't go with the Specialized.  I obviously thought very highly of it.  I just said it was the fastest around a course even though it was a platform I wasn't familiar with.  And hey, the 2010 29er Epic looked pretty sweet, too.  So what gives?  Excellent question, but I'm afraid it's getting late.  I can feel my ability to convey my thoughts in a semi-intelligent manner ebbing away from me as my eyes stay shut a little longer with each blink I take.  Anyway, got to have something to write about next time, yeah?

~Scotty Mac

"They are the gatekeepers.  They are guarding all the doors and they are holding all the keys." ~Morpheus, The Matrix

Saturday, February 5, 2011

Yeah, Those Sick, Friday Blues

I had a pretty bad day yesterday.  It was one of those days where the hits just kept on coming.  In the moment, I handled every new downturn less than admirably.  But one good thing came out of that bad day- when I got up today, I had an idea for a blog post.  Most of you know I dig blues-style rock, though I'd be hard-pressed to identify if I had a single soulful bone in my body.  Maybe my left pinkie-toe.  Maybe.  So, without further ado, and tounge firmly in cheek, I give you...

Sick Friday Blues

I woke up this morning,
Head felt like a brick
Couldn't gulp without pain
Sure enough, damn I'm sick

I got the blues
Yeah, those sick, Friday blues
Don't worry me none too much though
Just payin' my cosmic dues

Got home from the job
Thought I'd catch a quick snooze
Must have dreamt about food
'Cause I bit my tounge near through

And I got the blewth
Yeah, thothe thick, Friday blewth
Don't worry me none too much though
Jutht payin' my cothmic dewth

Instrumental- And when I write "instrumental," I mean a nice, improvised guitar solo.  Picture something from like Jimi Hendrix's "Red House" and that's what I mean.  Actually, you know what, that's Jimi on the guitar now.  There he goes, sliding up and down the fret board.  Seriously, as a songwriter of really no talent, getting someone like Jimi on lead guitar is a treat.  And I can hear you saying right now, "but isn't he dead?"  C'mon, people he's playing right there.  Keep your voices down, you'll hurt his feelings.  Dead.  Psssh.  Of all the ridic- oh wait, he's winding down, gotta come up with a third verse...

Made it to the desk
Turned the computer on
That deadly blue message told me
My computer was gone

And I got the blues
Yeah, those sick, Friday blues
Don't worry me none too much though
Just payin' my cosmic dues

Ummm, Second Instrumental- What are you gonna do, it's JIMI HENDRIX on lead guitar for pete's sake!  I'm sure not gonna tell him he can't take a second solo.  And yeah, I know, "cosmic dues" is a weird phrase, but I wanted to bring across this idea of I'd been having such remarkably good karma for so long a little bad had to come my way.  Oh, and fyi, it's customary when listening to blues to applaud after the lead takes his or her solo.  I'm not going to name names, you know who you are.  Anyway, I need to come up with a last verse to bring it (whatever "it" is) home, and I don't want to do the regular thing of repeating the first verse, but I'm having a little bit of writer's- uh-oh out of time, here goes...

Head is all clogged
Tounge ain't too thin
Laptop's a paperweight, and
I get to do it again

I've got the blues
Yeah, those sick, Friday blues
Don't worry me none too much though
Just payin' my cosmic dues...

Traditional blues finish, Jimi whaling on the guitar, furious riff from the drummer, crashing the cymbals and stomping the bass drum.  Let it build, let it build... End.

Good night everybody.  Be sure to tip your waiter.  And back up your computer.

~Scotty Mac

"Listen.  Here's the thing.  If you can't spot the sucker in your first half hour at the table?  Then you are the sucker." ~Mike McDermott, Rounders