She glanced over and saw the joint propped over the ash tray. Without asking, she slid past me, picked it up and took a drag. I watched her lips close over the cigarette, so full and promising. This certainly wasn't her first time smoking up, I observed as she took a huge pull. She released the smoke, watched it drift lazily toward the ceiling to intermingle with my puffs. "Want to tell me about it?"
"Not really."
"I didn't really want to hear it anyway. I think you knew that," she said as she climbed on the bed with me. Almost effortlessly she undid the button of my jeans. She slipped her hand beneath the denim, fingertips searching. My resolve weakened, cracked, and just when it was about to shatter, a door slamming in the hall caused her to jump, to pull away. I knew from the direction that it was John going to his room. He moved with all the grace of an Abrams tank. I hoped his wife Lauren was able to sleep through his attempt at being quiet, I knew if we still had neighbors they sure as hell would have had a tough time.
Grace got up, shaking her head. "Well that spoiled the mood."
"Probably for the best. She loves you, you know," I said, searching her face for a reaction. She ducked her head, but I had caught a faint blush. Was she embarrassed? Angry that I called her out on her attempted infidelity? I couldn't tell.
"She's so delicate. Soft and tender. I see you, and it makes me want a rougher experience, something without a future. You're dangerous, Brandon, volatile. I sometimes get the feeling that if you lost whatever it is that keeps you wanting to live, you'd kill us all," she mused, eyes now on mine with no trace of guile. "I want to feel that fire inside me. Grace can't give that to me, she's too gentle."
"Well, we can't all be hardened killers," I said, my high completely lost in the conversation. "Stay with Sheilah. She has a rare gift, and she wants to give it to you and you alone."
"And what gift is that?"
"Her capacity to love. She loves all of us, and I mean all of us. Beloved, Leaders, and Bandits. That's something that I could never do. She believes that we will all be saved and the world will be rebuilt. She loves her family when I would wish them all dead, and she loves me in spite of all my failings. She loves you because you are her opposite and she finds you beautiful even as you flirt with me and the other men. Sheilah values life in all its forms, no matter how irredeemable it may seem. She is her Mother's daughter," I finished simply. My lust had ebbed away as I thought about my infallible sister. I would do anything she asked if I thought it would bring her eternal happiness. While so many of us fought and died in vain, focusing on drawing breath for another minute, another day, another decade, she had all the love in the world.
"She's too good for me," Grace said, the catch in her voice echoing the one in my mind.
"Newsflash, Grace. She's too good for all of us."
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